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Aspiring for Assam..
And yet again.. in KL.. in one of many stopovers that has become part of my life nowadays.. but lets get down to what I am trying to write about now..
I know most of you have read the Srimad Bhagawatham.. I too have done the same to some extent.
In my limited understanding, I did notice this particular verse where it says the following..
It is said that, to pass through the gauntlet of life without being burned by the fire that is karma, a man should be equidistant from falling prey to the love of a woman as also being attracted to childish sounds emitted by a newly born. It was noted that these two were the pinnacles of karmic clamps laid down by this material world of maya to retain a person from moving onto other realms.
I must say that I am now struggling as I have become ensnared in the procreative need for the comfort of a woman companion. And thus, I am again and again trying to woo assam back to me even though she has blocked me totally. In the last 6 months I have become accustomed to her care although I have been on my own for the past 40 years of my life.. now that she is not responding, I am yearning for that care from her.
She had not wanted me to post blogs of my personal life online. And now, she did not want me to move to Australia and is telling me to stay in India. Well, it was like I dont have to do it.. but I have to do it.. To give a little more clarity, she had said, if you want to go to australia then you go. You can be free and decide what you want to do. But call me only if you decide to come back. !!!!??
I have a good mind to just dump everything and go hook up with white women who are aplenty where I am going. But assam had left her job for me. Thinking that I will marry her, she had left her full time job and took up a work from home job so that she can move and come to live where I get a job. Actually, she had been ok with the idea of going wherever I got a job. I dont know from where this idea got into her mind that we have to live in India and not in Australia. But since it is there now, she is saying she is even willing to not get married rather than go to australia.
So you see, I dont really know what to do at this juncture. I will be happy to move on to other people if I can somehow judge that she really wants to leave. But I really dont know if that is the case or if she is just exhibiting her feminine need to have control over her partner. The type of need which can only be satisfied by the reassurance gained when the partner does exactly what she wants.
What do you think..?